This months Tribute Case History is submitted
by Mr. Bob Vandenbergh, CFSP Kaul Funeral Home,
Clinton Township, MI

I already felt an emotional connection with the deceased wife and sons when they came in to make arrangements for the funeral services because I was acquainted with them and the situation of his death. Frank's (not his real name) story was one of those that we have heard so many times before; age 67 preparing to retire, diagnosed with cancer, dies after months of suffering, leaving a wife, 3 sons and 3 grandchildren

I knew Frank made his living as a butcher and for many years operated a successful shop . I also knew that his business and customers were a very important part of his life. Through the Life Review process we talked about his career and how his life revolved around it. This resulted in the family sharing many stories about the trials and tribulations of operating a small specialty meat store.

I suggested that we recreate Frank's shop at the funeral home. The family agreed and soon ideas of how and what could be done were eagerly discussed.

The next day a 450-pound butcher's block along with signs and the tools of the trade were delivered. Many photographs beginning with the grand opening and continuing through the years were put on display. We had virtually everything but the meat on the counters and the sawdust on the floor in the visitation room.

When visitation began it was interesting to watch the people's reaction as they entered the room to pay their respects. Most did not expect to see what they saw and were somewhat surprised. But, as time went by, you could see and hear the impact of the display. People were talking and reminiscing, sharing stories and laughing. There was more than one joke about thumbs on the scale that day.

The following day after the service they told me what a “great funeral” it had been. They told me just how much it meant to them to hear the stories and find out how much their dad and his shop had meant to so many people. Would this have happened without the re-creation of the shop? I don't know; but I do know that by using the interview techniques it made it possible.

Bob's suggestion pushed the envelope and had a certain amount of risk to it. The family could have rejected his suggestion. However, he significantly increased the potential of acceptance of his concept because it was not based on incomplete information but rather on a complete “fact gathering interview”. His case history describes a predictable families reaction to a funeral concept suggestion that hits the mark. He says, “the family agreed and soon ideas of how and what could be done were being eagerly discussed.” You can almost feel the increase in energy level in the arrangement conference as the family begins to participate in the development of their own “human relations” exercise. One in which they can personally perceive value.